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The seventh exercise of mindful breathing is about how to handle a painful feeling. When a painful feeling arises, the practitioner knows how to recognize it, and how to embrace it tenderly.
If we are not a practitioner, when a painful feeling arises we try our best to run away. We play music, we open the refrigerator to find something to eat, to help us forget. We read a book. We do anything possible in order to cover up the suffering. But as a practitioner we should be able to recognize the painful feeling or the painful emotion and try to listen to it and embrace it tenderly. Because we can learn a lot from it and we can also reduce the tension, the suffering.
It is like in the domain of the body when you become aware of your body; the tension in it, and the the pain in it. On the realm of feeling, breathing in you recognize the painful feeling the painful emotion that is there and you say:
“Hello my little pain, my little anger, my little despair I know you are there. I will take good care of you. I am not running away from you - I will take good care of you.”It’s like a mother working in the kitchen who hears the baby cry. She will put down anything she is holding and go into the room of the baby. The first thing she does is pick up the baby and hold the baby tenderly in her two arms. And that is exactly what a practitioner should do when a painful feeling arises. We have to stop doing things. We have to go home and tend our own baby - which is a painful feeling, a painful emotion. Because our pain, our sorrow, our fear is our baby. We have to be there for it.
The mother does not know yet what is wrong with the baby. But the fact that she is already holding the baby with tenderness in her arms provides some relief for the baby. The baby already receives some relief and suffers less, because the energy of tenderness from the mother has already begun to penetrate into the child's body.
Remember when you were small and you had a fever, and you were very lonely and you suffered a lot. When your mother came and put her hand on your forehead, she hasn’t done much to help you and yet the presence of her hand on your forehead has brought already some relief.
So this is exactly what a good practitioner should do - we do not know what is the root of our pain, our sorrow, our fear yet but our capacity of recognizing our pain and embracing tenderly our pain can already help bring some relief. Don’t run away from it; recognize it and embrace it.
Exercise #8 - Embracing a Painful Feeling
The seventh is to recognize and the eighth is to embrace. After having held the baby for a few minutes, the mother finds out what is wrong with the baby. The baby may be hungry, the baby may have a little fever, and with mindfulness the mother can recognize what is wrong with the baby and she can fix the situation very quickly. So the first thing a practitioner would do is to embrace, to recognize the pain in himself and then embrace the pain.
There are two kinds of energies. The pain or anger in you is the first energy that manifests. And as you are a practitioner you don’t try to run away from it, you don’t try to cover it up - you practice mindful breathing. And generate a second source of energy called mindfulness and you embrace that first energy.
Practicing mindful walking you generate mindfulness of walking, practicing mindful breathing you generate the energy of mindfulness. And it is exactly with that second energy that you recognize and embrace the first energy - this is the mother embracing the baby. And you get a relief after only a few minutes of practice. In the sitting position, or walking meditation you continue to practice mindful breathing, and you continue to recognize and embrace the pain - and you get a relief.
An Introduction to Store Consciousness
In Buddhist psychology we know that there are at least two layers of consciousness. The base of our consciousness is called the “store” consciousness. And in the depth of our store consciousness there are seeds called “bija” seeds. There’s a seed of anger, fear, despair, of violence, jealousy and so on. But there are many good seeds in it; the seed of joy, of love, brotherhood/sisterhood, the seed of non-discrimination, the seed of mindfulness, concentration, and so on.
Suppose the seed of anger has the chance to manifest up in the Mind Consciousness. From a seed it becomes a mental formation. The seed of anger gives rise to the mental formation of anger. It is a kind of energy.
When anger manifests as an energy up in the Mind, the landscape of the mind is not beautiful anymore - we suffer. And that is why a practitioner would not allow that situation to continue, but she does not try to suppress, or to fight against that - because that is violence. Therefore, she invites the seed of Mindfulness to come up. With the practice of mindful breathing, she invites the seed of Mindfulness to come up and then there is another mental formation called the mental formation of Mindfulness. In fact Mindfulness is a mental formation - a good one. Mindfulness energy recognizes and embraces the energy of anger. This is the first step of the practice and she can get a relief.
If she maintains mindfulness longer and concentration becomes very powerful she can have a deep look into the nature of the anger and that kind of insight can help liberate and transform anger but that is the object of another exercise to follow - but here the practice is only to recognize and to embrace.
On the Importance of Having a Community of Practitioners
As a beginner in the practice, our mindfulness might not be strong enough in order for us to recognize and embrace our pain. That is why it is very helpful to belong to a community of practice; called a sangha. A sangha is made of several members who know how to practice mindful walking, mindful breathing generating a collective energy of mindfulness.
So if your mindfulness and concentration is not strong enough you may like to come and sit with us and profit from our collective energy. You say, “Dear Sangha; here is my pain, here is my sorrow, here is my anger - it’s too big for me to embrace because I am just a beginner.” So you allow the sangha to transport you, to embrace you. Sitting in the sangha you entrust yourself to the sangha. It’s like a drop of water allowing herself to be transported by the whole river. Don’t stay as a drop of water - allow yourself to be embraced and transported by the sangha, by the river. And then the collective energy of mindfulness of the sangha will be able to help you recognize and embrace your pain.
You feel better and better sitting in a sangha because you know how to borrow - to allow the collective energy of the song to help recognize and embrace your pain and sorrow. And that is why in the Buddhist tradition, taking refuge in the sangha is very important, “Sangum Sarunum Gachami” - I go to the Sangha for refuge. Because the sangha has the collective energy that can help me in the beginning to help me recognize and embrace my pain.
When we practice we have brothers and sisters in the dharma and they can help us - support us in our practice. That is why a good practitioner always seeks to build a group of practitioners called sangha, a community - to maintain practice, to continue with the practice. Even the Buddha after enlightenment he knew that a sangha was needed to help him help people. So the first thing he did after enlightenment was to go and look for members of a sangha. And the Buddha was a very excellent sangha builder. In no time at all he built a sangha of 1,250 monks - mostly young people and they began the career of a Buddha. A Buddha without a sangha cannot do much. And we as a practitioner, we should know that a sangha is needed in order to keep our practice strong.
Additional Instructions on Handling a Painful Emotion
The young people who do not know how to handle a painful emotion like despair, anger, and many of them believe that the only way to stop the suffering is to go and kill themselves. That is why there are so many young people committing suicide. In Hong Kong, the young people jump from high buildings to their death. There are many young people in Japan and the United Kingdom - just because the young people do not know how to handle a painful emotion.
In the light of this practice, an emotion is something impermanent. An emotion is something that comes, stays for some time, and then it will have to go. And you are much more than emotion. Why do you have to die just because of one emotion? That is why we have to tell the young people, we have to transmit to them the way to handle a strong emotion. And if they know how to handle a strong emotion they will not have to go and kill themselves. And how; with the practice of mindfulness and concentration.
When a strong emotion is about to come - you must learn how to recognize this, to know. You stop thinking, you stop talking, you stop doing things - you go back to yourself and practice mindful breathing in a sitting position or a lying position. Don’t stay on the level of your head. Don’t continue to think. The more you think the stronger the emotion may come. We should not stay on the level of the intellect. We have to bring our mind down, down to the abdomen. There’s a spot slightly below the naval called the dan tien - this is the spot where you have to focus your concentration.
It’s like a tree standing in a storm. It is vulnerable to be at the top of the tree. If you go down and embrace at the base of the tree you are safe.And the trunk, our trunk is down here. So when the emotion comes, it is like a storm. You don’t think, you don’t look, you don’t listen. You stop everything. You stop feeding that emotion. You go home, and practice generating the energy of mindfulness and just become aware of your in-breath and your out-breath. “Breathing in, my abdomen is rising, breathing out it’s falling, rising, falling.” That’s the only object of you mind.
No thinking, no looking, no listening. Just become aware of your in-breath and out-breath.
Concentrated entirely on the rising and falling of your abdomen. You may stay in the lying position. You may like to put your hand on your stomach and feel the rising and falling of your abdomen - just that. And then you can survive the emotion easily. An emotion can stay for 15 minutes or half an hour or even an hour. But you are safe with the practice. Because there is awareness that an emotion is only an emotion.
An emotion is impermanent. It is something that comes, stays for a while, and then finally has to go.
“I don’t have to die just because of one emotion."
If you have this in mind, then with mindfulness you are confident enough. And when the emotion is gone, you are happy. And you say that the next time if it comes again. You just do that and stay firm, and are not blown away, you are not carried away by the emotion.Let us not wait until we have a strong emotion before we begin the practice, because we will forget. So let us try every day the practice of deep listening, abdomen breathing, belly breathing and become aware of the rise and fall of our abdomen. After about three weeks it will become a habit, and it is enjoyable also. Every time a strong emotion comes, we remember to practice and we can very easily survive a painful emotion. If you have a child teach her, teach him. “Darling, hold my hand shall we practice together? Breathing in my abdomen is rising, breathing out it is falling - don’t think - just pay attention to..” and you channel your energy of mindfulness established to your child because your child may have a crisis also.
And if you are a practitioner you have the energy of mindfulness, of concentration, and holding the hand of the child you can channel that energy to him or to her and support him or her in breathing and you educate him or her. And your child will know how to overcome a painful feeling or emotion.
